new diagnosis vs. old thinking

I got a new diagnosis this week of Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed).

I always thought my intense fear of going out in public was my anxiety, but a new doc said it’s classic agoraphobia, which makes a lot of sense.

The funny thing is, my thinking has changed, but since getting this new information, my brain automatically thought it was panic mode again. I had a huge meltdown (aka panic attack) and instantly thought I was broken. Why didn’t I think I was broken before? Well, I did, but for some reason this new info made me feel somewhat more broken. I was prescribed a new medication and the doctor was awesome. He seems to really know his stuff and he seems to care. He said, “We are going to get you feeling better.” I haven’t really had a doctor say that to me. Most of the time it’s just giving a new med and basically just seeing what happens.

This whole thing made me realize I never really understood my own head when all the time I was trying to educate everyone else on mental health. I never really did get it myself. I just wanted to believe I did because it made me feel better about my own issues.

The truth is, I am relieved I finally have a diagnosis. I have never been officially diagnosed with anything by a professional and that always made me kind of assume I had this or that. Being diagnosed helps me understand my own mind, even if my own mind still scares me a bit. I can actually say, “This is why I think like this or act like this”, instead of wondering why I am feeling like a crazy, irrational person.

Even though a diagnosis seems scary, it’s also a huge weight off my shoulders knowing why I am the way I am and knowing that I can do something about it.