I was thinking about my loneliness today and how after I moved away and then moved back, I lost pretty much all of my friends back home.
I don’t have a car, so I can’t get to meetings and I know that would help with my lonely feelings. I even reached out to several old friends from the program and none of them really seemed too eager to help me out yet I learned from the program that
“When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.” It was written for the 1965 A.A.
So why can’t I get help now?
I’m sober and totally fine, but I was deeply hurt when I realized that no one really stood by me after I moved. I lost touch with everyone and it made me resentful.
Right now, I’m working on asking my higher power to remove my character defects and help me with resentment. It’s hard when those you care about won’t do for you what you have done for them in the past.
This won’t cause me not to help though. I take the hurts of the past and use them to help others because I know that’s what I would need and do need.
October 16th is 4 years of sobriety and clean from self injury and that’s something I did alone and through the past tools I was given in the program so I will continue to stay strong until I can get back to meetings and make some friends. For now, I’ll keep writing.